A Born Coward
by Akikaze Ryo - Rain55
Summary: Alfred thought his future was shattered after the accident that cost him his ability to walk. Arthur blamed himself for the accident, fearing that Alfred would hate him. It was only through song and music that the two eventually able to restore their relationship. Human!AU. USUK. Use of Human Name.


**Summary**

Alfred's future was shattered after the accident that cost him his ability to walk, as well as his confidence and will to live. Arthur tried to convince him that everything was alright and it was only through song and music that he managed to do so. Human!AU. USUK. Use of Human Name.

* * *

Hi, everyone, I am once again distracted~ If you read my other story, Spamano one, titled 'Tell Your World'. Yes, I haven't finished it (27/06/16) but that's not the main point, the point is, this story will be the same setting as that one. Well, later on Romano and others will appear. I will actually put some (minimum) details of this project on my profile.

Yep. Again, I have no medical or musical background so please pardon me if I write anything weird.

Notes : I think this has somehow become one sided FrUK, but I'm sorry, I don't like FrUK, so yeah.

Disclaimer : I do not own Hetalia or any of the song used. Cover image is from google.

That's all, hope you guys like the story!

* * *

The three best friends, Antonio, Francis and Gilbert were gathering at Francis place as usual, doing their usual chatting and jamming session. Despite their individual commitment now, they still gathered quite often. Francis had gotten a job as a music director in one of renowned school, believe it or not, Gilbert was now a professional composer, and Antonio had his debut as a duet with Lovino two years back.

It was in the middle of their conversation when a ringtone suddenly rings. It was Francis' phone and after looking at the caller, Francis decided to pick it up, leaving his two friends behind. It did not take him a long time for him to return to the room.

"Is it another one of your girlfriend?" Antonio teased him the moment he saw Francis entering the room.

"Or your boyfriend?" Gilbert added.

"Sadly, no." Francis answered matter of factly, pretending to be disappointed, "It was Arthur. Do you guys remember him?"

"That guy from the Light Music Club?"

"Yep, that's him." Francis confirmed.

"Oo, I remember him, that guy with amazingly thick eyebrows, right?"

"Yep, that's him alright," Francis continued while keeping his cellphone in his pocket and he walked towards his keyboards, turning it off, "Apparently, his boyfriend just got into an accident and he's at the hospital now. I need to go there."

"Whoa, that's bad. Is he alright though?"

"I don't know. It seemed to be quite bad." with that sentence, the two could tell that Francis was genuinely worried.

Antonio stood up and he patted Francis shoulder, "You should go, we'll do the cleaning up here."

Francis smiled, "Merci."

And with that, Francis left the house.

* * *

Upon reaching the hospital, Francis immediately looked for Arthur. He found him quite easily, in the waiting room of the emergency ward. It was quite a long while since he saw Arthur, but he could still recognise him right away, he really did not change much since university. Both of Arthur's hand was covering his face, the base of his palm visibly wet, most probably from crying. Francis approached him carefully, as if trying not to break him any further and he wrapped his hand on the smaller man's shoulder.

"Arthur, it's me."

Recognising the voice, Arthur finally removed his hands from his face. Now Francis could see it clearly, his clothes as well as his hands were stained with red and it was not just specks of red, it was as if someone had thrown a can full of red paint on him.

"Arthur, are you okay?!" Francis asked frantically, fearing the other man's safety.

Arthur however, at that time, did not care about his own safety anymore. He stared at the red stain on his hands. He was injured indeed, but only slightly injured, only a small scratch on his palm and that's all. The blood was not his. As he was once again reminded of that, tears started to fall down on his cheek, "Francis, what should I do?"

When Francis realised the possible scenario, he pulled Arthur into his embrace, not even caring about the red stain that would stick on him. He patted his back gently, trying to calm him down.

"It would be alright, Arthur, everything would be alright." he kept repeating the sentence as if it was a charm of some sort. In the middle of his words, Francis would always hear Arthur's sobbing and muttering and it broke Francis' heart indeed.

"It was my fault… Al…"

Minutes seemed like hours and Arthur eventually calmed down, well, it was more like he ran out of tears. Francis still held him close, trying to provide reassurance for the man who kept panicking every time he was reminded of the accident even in the slightest. Suddenly, the light of the emergency ward was turned off and the doctor with white coat came out to greet them.

"Are you with Alfred F Jones?"

"Yes, we are. May we know how is he?" Francis answered in Arthur's stead who did not look like he could say anything.

"He would be fine," upon hearing the doctor's words, Arthur relaxed and another tear fell down his cheek, but this one was of relief. The doctor continued, "But, there's something I need to tell you."

* * *

Alfred looked at the window of the hospital ward, outside in the park, he saw children running around and playing with each other like nothing else mattered in the world. It was already one week after the accident. Everyone said that it was a miracle that Alfred managed to survive and he should be very grateful about it. However, Alfred did not feel the same. He could not feel anything on his lower body, the doctor had told him that his spinal cord was injured, causing paralysis on his lower body and he would not be able to walk again, not without any help. It was a torture for him, he thought maybe it would be better if he had just died during the accident.

It was just a few weeks before the accident that he was given offer by the National Basketball Association, to become a National Basketball Player. It was his dream, he had waited for the opportunity since he started playing basketball in primary school and when the chance at last came to him, it was gone. He knew himself best, he would not be able to play any sports anymore, let alone basketball. At that time, he felt as if his reason for living was gone. With that said, Alfred had refused any words of encouragement he received, even from Arthur who had been his boyfriend for six years.

The door to his room was opened, revealing a Arthur, following him behind was a taller man whom he recognised from the previous visit. On Arthur's hand was a bouquet of flower, a purple one, they were small flowers clustered together forming a round shape. Alfred did not like the flower, the shape somehow reminded him of the ball he used to hold. For some weird reason though, Arthur kept bringing the same flower in every visit. The taller man waved his hand at Alfred and bid his farewell to Arthur before Arthur eventually entered the room to set the flowers on the vase beside the bed.

"How are you feeling today, Al?"

"Definitely not good." Alfred replied shortly, looking uninterested.

Arthur sighed, he was genuinely concerned for Alfred's wellbeing. He had refused to eat, refused to talk, refused to do anything basically. He knew that it was hard for Alfred, for he had loved basketball very much. It was his passion after all. Arthur remembered, it was actually one of the reason why he had fell in love with him in the first place. Unlike Alfred, Arthur did not have any passion, he could not dedicate himself in one thing, not like Alfred. He remembered waiting for him during the competition period when practice was hard and he always questioned the reason why Alfred could push himself so hard. With that question, Alfred would always answer him with one standard answer. With one big smile, he would say, 'Because I love it!'

Arthur really missed his smile. Alfred used to smile in every chance he got, but since the accident, he would never wore the smile on his face. He wanted to see it again and he was determined. He would not leave Alfred alone, he would be by his side. As he also believed that it was his fault that Alfred got into the accident. That day, he had an argument with Alfred and he just walked away. He kept thinking, if he had just stayed on that day, Alfred would not get hit by the car and he would still be the usual Happy-Go-Lucky Alfred he always knew.

Arthur approached Alfred and sat on the corner of the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair, but was quickly brushed away by Alfred.

"Artie, please, let me be alone for the day."

"Al, you said the same thing yesterday." Arthur's voice was full with concern and he rested his hand on top of Alfred's, "I understand that you are upset, but please don't be like that."

"You won't understand."

"Fine, I don't understand fully, but I know that you are very upset. How about picking up something else? Maybe a musical instrument?"

"You will never understand."

"But…"

"Arthur!"

Arthur was shocked, it had been a few years since he was called by his name instead of 'Artie' by Alfred. And his expression was not one that he had seen before. Alfred looked hurt, sad and angry at the same time. Arthur did not know what to say anymore, he did not mean to make him feel worse.

He stood up, walked towards the door and whispered in a low voice, "Sorry."

And Alfred was left alone once more.

* * *

Alfred felt very bad the next day. He did not mean to shout at Arthur, even he knew that Arthur was just trying to cheer him up. However, he could not help himself. He just felt his emotion overwhelmed him and he could not stop himself to shout, especially when people talked about his passion.

Arthur without fail, visited Alfred again. This time though, he did not only bring flowers. On his right hand was a black rectangular case. He had recognised it, he saw it a lot of times before, when Arthur was still in the Light Music Club in the university.

"How are you feeling today, Al?" Arthur repeated the same question. Honestly, Alfred was tired with the same question over and over again. He decided to ignore the question today, it always made him feel worse to admit that he actually felt bad.

"Artie, about yesterday… I'm sorry…"

Alfred observed Arthur for a while and he could see a slight smile forming on his face, but Alfred could tell that he was actually full of sadness.

"Don't worry, Al. I know you don't mean it." Arthur replied as he set down the flowers as per usual.

"What's with the violin though?"

"Oh," Arthur stopped in his track, looking at the black case that he had brought with him today, "I thought you would like some kind of entertainment."

It was true that Alfred loved to hear Arthur playing his violin. He remembered the first time he had heard him playing the violin, for him, it was something out of this world. The melody was beautiful and everything looked surreal accompanied with Arthur's graceful movement. It was one thing that he really loved from his boyfriend, him and his violin.

"Won't the other patient be disturbed though?" Alfred asked, but with his excitement was quite obvious to Arthur.

Arthur chuckled, he knew that Alfred loved his violin as much as he loved Alfred's basketball. He opened the case, revealing an old looking violin inside. He then picked it up along with the bow and rested it on his chin, "I already asked, they don't mind."

At last, after a week of trying, Arthur could see it. A smile on his face, it was not apparent, it was not as what he remembered it to be, but that realisation brought only happiness in Arthur. He picked up the bow and started the tune. It was a beautiful melody, relaxing yet powerful at the same time. Alfred could not help but remember the old times when he used to listen to Arthur's violin. Once in a while, after his practice, they would sneak in to the music room, enjoying their time together, chatting, laughing, teasing each other. Nothing else really mattered to them then.

Those thoughts though only made Alfred felt worse. Arthur still have his violin, but he had lost everything. Arthur continued playing, the melody resonated through the room, through the corridor, the whole hospital would have heard him, but no one actually came in and stopped them. A few more notes and the music halted, Alfred did not realize it, but droplets of water forming on the corner of his eyes.

"Ah, sorry..." he said softly as he realised the tears on his cheek and he wiped it off using his sleeve. Trying to distract himself, Alfred posed a question, "What's that song? I never heard of it before?"

Arthur pretended not to see Alfred's frustration, "I found out this song not long ago. It's called 'Courage'"

'Courage'

The word resounded in Alfred's mind. That's exactly... what he needed right now... He felt that he was just one pathetic excuse of a hero, he was scared. Really really scared. He was scared to accept the situation he was in now, he was scared of his own future. Even though deep down in his heart, he knew that it happened and he could not do anything to reverse the situation, he just felt like running away. Running away from the harsh reality he had yet to accept.

He could not take it anymore, another droplets of tears forming on his cheek, now unstoppable. Arthur went to his side and without saying anything, he pulled Alfred close to him.

"Artie, what should I do?" Maybe the music had moved him, maybe Arthur's persistence had moved him, but at that moment Alfred felt a little bit of strength to finally sound his worries. He did not want to show his pathetic aide to anyone, especially not to Arthur, but what could he do now?

Arthur gently stroke his hair, "You being alive is enough. For now, just focus on your recovery, okay?"

Arthur's words were like miracle to Alfred. It was simple, but it gave him a reason to stay alive. If it was not for Arthur, Alfred felt that he would have ran away even further, maybe even abandoning his own life. Maybe, just maybe, there was still meaning in his already upside down life. That's what he wanted to think.

* * *

The next few days were spent in a similar routine. Arthur would visit Alfred in the afternoon, bringing with him his violin and he would play the same song over and over again, the same song as the first one he played in his first visit with the violin. Alfred definitely felt better, he started to smile every now and then. Nope, he had not gotten over his situation, but at least he understood that it was not something that he could change now.

That one particular day though, Alfred had decided to tell Arthur about his plan. He wanted to go for rehabilitation. He knew very well that it would not help one hundred percent and he would not be able to play basketball like he used to before. But at least, he did not want to be a burden. He wanted to be able to walk on his own again, no matter how long it may take.

"I think I'm going for rehabilitation." Alfred broke the news just as Arthur ended his usual performance.

"That's great!" excitement was obvious in Arthur's word, "When will you start?"

"I don't know, but I will go check with the doctor later."

Arthur smiled. It was one sincere smile that Alfred had not seen for quite some time and he loved it.

Suddenly, there was knocking on the door. Arthur walked over to the door and opened it, revealing a certain blond on the other side. Alfred recognised him now, he was that guy that had visited him with Arthur the first few days after the accidents. Now, he would only accompany Arthur once in a while. Arthur had told him that his name was Francis and he was his classmate in college.

Arthur excused himself and walked out of the room to talk with Francis. The door was slightly open so Alfred could see the two people who were having conversation with each other, he could not hear anything they said though. It was when he looked at the two that something came into his mind. Arthur looked so happy. He was laughing, something that he did not see when Arthur was with him.

Alfred had been scared of his own future and he was over it, but what's about Arthur's future? Being with him would surely destroy his future. Anyway, who would like to be with a disabled guy? Certainly, no one would be happy. Once again, Alfred felt scared, he did not want to ruin Arthur's future just because of his own helplessness. Was it really okay for him to be with Arthur?

It was not long before Francis bid his farewell to both Arthur and Alfred. At that point of time though, Alfred did not even notice that the other man was leaving. Only fear was left on his mind.

"Ah, sorry for that, Al. Should we call the doctor? Maybe we can discuss the schedule with him now." Arthur said as he returned to Alfred's side.

Alfred was distracted. He was trying to find a solution and he could only find one.

"Al?" Arthur prompted him, starting to get worried by the silence.

Alfred sighed and he looked at Arthur, "Artie, there's something else."

"What is it?"

"Let's break up."

Arthur's eyes widened in shock and he started to panic, remembering the accident that had happened, "Why? Is it because it was my fault?"

His fault? Alfred did not understand what he meant by that, Arthur did not do anything wrong, he NEVER did anything wrong. Everything that's wrong was himself!

Arthur started to cry and like a broken record, he muttered apologies over and over again, "I'm sorry, Al, I'm sorry, I knew it was my fault..."

"No, it's not!" Alfred shouted, frantically trying to stop Arthur, "It was not your fault, it was MY fault. Artie, you should not stay with me!"

Alfred continued, his voice slightly wavered by each word, "It would be better if you were with other people. Someone healthy, someone not broken like me. Maybe like that guy, what's his name again? Francis is it?"

Arthur stopped to think. Alfred just said that it was not his fault. But then he could not think of any other reason Alfred wanted to break up with him. On top of that, Alfred kept giving him excuses, he could not stop thinking that Alfred just wanted to push him away. That meant that Alfred blamed him for that incident right? No, Arthur did not want it to end this way. He knew it was his fault and all, but...

"I know, no one would be happy with disabled person like me, right?"

Alfred just continued and with another excuse, Arthur could not stop himself.

"Stop deciding everything on your own!" Arthur suddenly shouted, his face red, mixed with frustration and sadness. No, he did not mean to shout at him. He was supposed to apologise! Arthur could not take it anymore, he did not know what to do and he just bolted out of the room, leaving Alfred dumbfounded.

Alfred stared at the scene unfolded upon him. Arthur looked angry at him, but why? He was doing it all for Arthur's sake! Why didn't he understand? And then he said that it was him who didn't understand Arthur, he could not stopped thinking about it. Was it really for the best? Alfred tried to convince himself. It was alright if Arthur was angry with him. It's for the better. Arthur deserved better.

* * *

Francis was on the corridor when he saw Arthur walked out of Alfred's ward, sobbing and feeling dejected. It was actually a coincidence that he was still there though. When he wanted to leave just now, he had seen one of his old acquaintance and they stopped for a little nice chat to catch up. It did not occur to him that he would saw Arthur again on that day, crying his heart out, especially knowing that Arthur was so happy a few moments ago, when he told him that Alfred was willing to go for the rehabilitation.

At that point of time, Arthur did not care about anything anymore, he just wanted to be left alone. Francis tried to stop him, asking him if he was alright and he grabbed his hand, but Arthur quickly yanked his hand and just walked away. Normally, Francis would be persistent, but in between Arthur's sobbing he could hear him muttering. Something about Alfred, something about Alfred hated him. Francis knew that Arthur blamed himself for Alfred's accident, but he could not believe that Alfred would actually really blame Arthur for that. He was furious, if that was really the case, he would not hesitant to hit Alfred and knocked him some sense.

He decided to give Arthur some space and he would go and see Alfred instead. He barged into Alfred's room, without any knocking, without any warning. Yet, what he saw was not what he expected. Alfred's expression was of one that was similar to Arthur, of one that seemed to lose all hope.

"It's you," Francis could hear Alfred mumbling, "Take care of Arthur would you? I don't deserve him."

With that, everything clicked for Francis. He knew it, he saw both of them with more objective point of view. Both of them were broken, broken in their own way. Even though they actually genuinely care for each other. While Alfred was trying to pushed Arthur away, fearing that he would chain Arthur down, Arthur was scared that Alfred could not stop blaming him and hating him for the incident that had happened. Francis sighed, it was a very complicated case.

* * *

 **Author's Note :**

I think that Arthur is too tame. My bad, I don't think I'm actually suited to write USUK story .

I tried my best to write this story as one-shot, but I failed miserably. I think I am not meant to write one-shot. Oh well~ It will be two-shot... I hope...

Hope you like it though, do give me suggestion also if you have other idea of what other pairings I can do within this same setting since currently I'm only planning for 3~


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